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Donna Shin Wellness Coach

self-love

Emotional Abuse – A Spiritual Perspective From Complex PTSD to Self-Love

If you have been emotionally abused as a child, or been in a pathological love relationship with a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath research shows that there is a  75%  chance that you will have symptoms of PTSD or complex PTSD. There is a 90% chance it will be full blown PTSD or C- PTSD.  Recurrent bullying counts as chronic abuse and also causes great harm.

The positive self image, that you came into the world with along with your identity as a capable and beloved child of God have been damaged. This is a tragic assault to your innocence.

Often a narcissist, is drawn to souls who are loving, agreeable, sensitive and very conscientious.  These are called your super traits. Or, a soul with a history of childhood emotional abuse, that caused trauma and codependence, is a vulnerable target for a narcissist.

The abuser, with their love bombing, create a rollercoaster concoction of brain chemicals which allow you to attach to them deeply.  Then to experience abuse by this person, that you have learned to love and depend on, creates such extreme self-doubt and confusion that the otherwise capable you is left reeling and unsure of herself.

 Either way, your path will be painful and challenging until you take responsibility to do the healing work that will bring you back to your true self. Whether it is a parent or a partner who causes the wounds — they run deep. The word trauma comes from the Greek, “a wound, a hurt; a defeat.”

To rise above these defeats requires the survivor of emotional abuse to give themselves the love that was lost. Experiencing love comes from connection. The source of Love, from a Christian perspective, that is always available to us comes from the knowing and feeling that we are cherished and that nothing can separate us from Love. It’s a knowing that is faith based and mystical.

The apostle Paul understood this when he wrote this inspired word in the book of Romans ;

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”   Romans 8:37-39

We are the ones who separate ourselves by feeling unforgiven, guilty, unworthy, not good enough… we make assumptions about how God feels about us often dictated by false doctrine and legalistic teachings — and we don’t give ourselves a break. God is Love and wants you to feel that, live in that and exude that love as best you can in your fragile human self.

How do I learn to love myself?

Learning to love yourself first requires getting yourself right with the God of the universe who created you to be in connection with Him.

Here are some ideas for you to consider and put into practice as you open your heart to love yourself in a healthy way:

  • Speak to God and confess anything that you don’t feel good about or guilty about in yourself.  If this feels strange to you, seek out a Christian person, minister, or spiritual director that you like.
  • Trust that you are forgiven, 100%, by the God who loves and waits for you to come home to your true self. Learn how to be in relationship with this amazing God who wants you to be whole, healthy, and happy — and who wants to help you with life’s challenges.
  • Learn to understand that those who hurt you need their own healing and it was not your fault.
  • Forgive others for, your benefit not theirs, and forgive yourself.  Both of these may be a process that you need to take time with, or even get professional help with.
  • Begin to be conscious of the way you speak to yourself. A self-critical voice is not allowing you to be free.  Your perception of yourself is your reality.  Your perception may have been damaged by the abuse. Begin to see yourself as God does — as a beloved child.
  • Begin to practice your sacred self-care!  All the good things you can do for your body, mind and spirit. ( that would be another blog! )  Do things that make you feel good about yourself.
  • If needed, get into therapy, coaching, or a support group. People who care will mirror your goodness back to you, and help you transform the grief and trauma into growth.
  • Learn the lessons that life wants to teach you about abuse, unwell people, and learn about yourself too. If in a partner relationship you may have played a part albeit small.
  • Accept what happened, accept life on life’s terms ( it’s not always easy ) and above all accept yourself.

Healing is the awareness of removing the blocks to Love’s presence.

With light, love and strength,

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