Maybe you feel like you messed up big time. You fell prey to the narcissist and even loved him and had children with him (or her). You were duped, you had a blind spot, you suffered and so did people you loved because of your choices. How do you reconcile this and learn to trust yourself again? The first step is self-forgiveness which requires a lot of self-compassion and grace.
Many ask how will I ever be able to trust another again? What if the answer is learning to trust yourself again? That is really the work here — learning to trust yourself. When you become that person, you are in a much better position to discern if someone else is right for you.
We don’t come out of recovery from a toxic abusive relationship the same. There are so many lessons to learn. Lessons about the type of abuser we were with, lessons about our own vulnerability and how and why we were in a position to get lured into the trap. Think carefully about the small doubts, red flags or body reactions you many have had in the beginning of the relationship. Your body was speaking to you then and for some reason you didn’t hear or listen.
Your intuition and your body are your biggest allies. They help us to know when we are in danger or which way to go, but we have to be tuned in. Do you feel more aware, wise and tuned in after learning all the lessons and working through the trauma and grief you were left with?
Of course you do or you will! The growth and learning that happens in one of these relationships, if you do your work, is tremendous — and it takes time and courage to integrate it all and begin again. Be gentle and patient with yourself. It is a process and a practice of taking action. If you feel something deeply act on it, if you feel safe, and see what happens. If it is major decision seek wise counsel to help you hear yourself better. Take your time. Little by little the small step of trusting yourself and acting on your knowing will grow into stronger confidence. Especially, take your time getting into a new relationship. Your body and awareness are much more finely tuned now and want to help you.
If you are a woman of faith, seek wisdom from above through your prayer and mediation and trust in Divine Love’s care for you to help make your path clear, or close a door of protection for you if needed.
There is no urgency in doing important recovery work for yourself. It takes as long as it takes. With every new shift you are moving closer to the life-long process of becoming whole. Take a breath and be present for life along the way. Celebrate the success and courage you have gained and dare to live again only better.
With light, love and strength,